I therefore include this disclaimer in hopes that I will be able to reach the sincere who desire to grow spiritually; and not waist the time of those who prefer to have their spiritual ears scratch with non-critical material that caters to their sinful ways. If you are such a person, and you should know if you are, it may be better if you do not read this message. Lay it aside until the time that you are hungry for truth about what God requires, and you are able and willing to hear constructive criticisms that may directly apply to you. However, if you still prefer to read this,
It is my hope and prayer that something contained in this will reach some part of you, and help you on your way to a more realistic and sincere dedication to truly growing spiritually.
CORRECTAPHOBIA
No, “Correctaphobia” is not a dictionary word nor a term in Psychology. It is a term that I have invented to describe the condition of a particular kind of person. One who has a fear of being corrected because of what they perceive as demeaning consequences that go along with being corrected.
Some people, who have a problem excepting correction or being proven incorrect, often view the one correcting them as the enemy and their correction as a put down or an attempt to prove them ignorant or dumb.
Do you suffer from the condition “Correct-a-phobia”? An adverse reaction to any kind of correction?
This is a person who refuses to be held accountable for what they say or what they do. A person who wants to be allowed to say what they want, the way they want, and do what they want the way they want, without anyone correcting them or pointing out what they did wrong or said that was incorrect.
When someone tries to correct them, they instantly go on the defensive and reject the correction and often even accuse the one correcting them of being mean, unloving, insensitive, or thinking they are a know-it-all. They will say or do just about anything to silence or shame the corrector. Among family, this is often followed by an accusation that the corrector is being unloving. This is a clear indication that the accuser has a false understanding of what biblical love is because true love tells the truth. But someone who is suffering from denial will often misuse the concept of love as a defense and protection for their personal rebellion.
This condition described above is a state that some people find themselves in as a result of their own efforts to develop coping mechanisms to help them deal with and block out the abuse or what they perceived as abuse from their parent(s), family or “friends” while growing up. In this material I will not be focusing on the cause of this condition but only on the condition itself and its solution.
Where did this obsession with being “agreed with” come from? It could come from many sources. It could result from getting away with making people agree with them when they were growing up by threatening to cut off friendships, not giving something needed or wanted, or even threatening with physical violence, (once they learned that they could manipulate people that way). If this happens often enough while growing up there is a tendency to depend on it as a source of empowerment and to use it to pacify the need to feel smarter or more intelligent and more important than someone else. And whenever they are not given that kind of control, they feel rejected or belittled.
Another cause could be a complex of inferiority which often displays itself as over confidence to hide its true state. This is often brought about by having been often over looked, demeaned, spoken down to or harshly told to shut up as a child.
People who develop a need to be viewed as important often pretend to be more than they are and insist that others see them as they want them to see them rather than as they actually are.
And when someone points out to them what they actually are, they become agitated and even angry, and often attempt to retaliate by verbally abusing the observer in an effort to silence or shame them for daring to express to them their observation about them.
Many people who were on their own at an early age often suffer this kind of condition because they are so used to having their way and doing what they want to do. Depending on the depth of their condition, these people can be difficult to teach and usually end up having to teach themselves most of what they know (often with much error). Then they attempt to pass that false information on to others as authoritative truth. And they defy attempts to point out the error of their view, often accusing the corrector of arrogance or foolishness for not agreeing with them.
A wife who suffers from this condition will bring chaos to her home by demanding that she have her way. She will insist that her husband agree with her wrong point of view or bad actions, and she will accuse him of being unloving and unsupportive if he fails to cater to her erroneous opinions or bad behavior.
Any disagreement on his part is viewed as a put down or an attack on her intelligence.
If she is a professing Christian, she will verbally insist that he lead, while in the same breath contend with his every decision or comment. She will then proceed to make her own decision and take the action and then accuse him of being lazy, weak and unassertive. She will give other men more respect then she gives her own husband and will often put on her most pleasant front in their company to give the impression that she is always a delightful person at home.
She will see his objection to her dominating manner as a challenge to her “authority” and she will use other men to humiliate him by comparing them to him.
If she is not saved, she may find the company of “other men”, (who don’t challenge her authority because they are trying to get next to her), more pleasant than her own husband who must be honest with her because he has been given a charge by God to be her head, also because he must live with her and cannot endure for long such “control”.
A husband who suffers from this condition will also bring chaos to his home by insisting that he has his way. He may even become violent in order to instill fear in his wife and he will use that fear to get his way.
He will not tolerate insubordination of any kind and some will threaten their wife's with bodily harm for anything that they perceive to be rebellion against their “authority”.
If he is a professing Christian, he may forbid her to associate with other Christians and worn her not to talk about their personal life to others.
He might stalk her and keep tabs on everywhere she goes, concerned that she might attempt to leave him or expose his hypocrisy to the saints.
The above examples are of course extreme cases, but there are many people who suffer such relationships. And there are those who suffer from a milder type of “Correctaphobia” who nonetheless put their family through a great deal of stress. For when someone views corrections as put down or an attack on their intelligence, they become difficult to teach and often cause those who would teach them to avoid doings so for fear of offending them or being misunderstood.
The sad truth is that many Christians suffer from this condition. Some of such people are so insecure that they are quickly offended when anyone points out an error that they made or attempts to challenge their expressed views that are considered incorrect. Rather than appreciate corrections or intelligently demonstrate why they are not incorrect when they are right, they become agitated and irritated by the very fact that someone would dare to tell them that they are wrong, or dare to challenge their opinions. This attitude is not only contrary to Christian holiness and unfriendly, it is spiritually dangerous.
SEEING ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT
YOUR CHARACTER AS AN ENEMY IS WRONG AND SINFUL
If you believe that love only tells you that you are wonderful and correct even when you are not, you do not understand what Biblical love is. And if you insist that only nice things be said to you about your character, even when you are acting poorly, that is not only unbiblical, it is spiritually and mentally unhealthy. It is only honest and accurate correction that helps us to grow spiritually. And any Bible student should know this. To view someone who tells you the truth about yourself, or corrects your errors as an “enemy “ who does not really care about you or love you just because they correctly and honestly tell you something negative about your character or corrects your error, is ungodly. And for you to try to punish them for telling you about your condition is sinful. Sincere Christians welcome any such correction and are grateful to receive it.
They take it to heart and make an effort to correct their faults; they do not get upset and retaliate against the person trying to help.
THE NECESSITY AND BENEFIT OF CORRECTION
There is no shame in having to be corrected, and to be able to except correction gracefully is a sign of maturity. The inability to except correction is a sign of insecurity and immaturity.
As believers our goal should always be to grow spiritually. And to grow we must understand that correction plays an important part in our proper development.
The following scriptures speak directly to this point:
Please read these scriptures:
Proverbs 12:1
Whoso loves instruction loves knowledge: but he that hates reproof is brutish.
Proverbs 15:10
Correction is grievous unto him that forsakes the way: and he that hates reproof shall die.
Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
For whom the Lord loves he corrects; even as a father the son in whom he delights.
Proverbs 8:33
Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.
Proverbs 9:7-9
He that reproves a scorner gets to himself shame: and he that rebukes a wicked man gets himself a blot.
Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.
Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
Proverbs 10:17
He is in the way of life that keeps instruction: but he that refuses reproof errs.
Proverbs 15:32
He that refuses instruction despises his own soul: but he that hears reproof gets understanding.
Job 5:17
Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
James 5:19-20
Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; let him know, that he which converts the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.
It is my prayer that this message has helped the reader to understand just how serious and important correction is.
Our spiritual development and growth depends on our ability to accept correction when we are wrong or in error.
And it is indeed a blessing to have someone point out our error or wrong.
Please note, that I am not advocating false correction due to vindictiveness, and stubborn efforts of retaliation, to punish someone who has legitimately corrected you, such childishness it sinful. What I am discussing here is true correction, and not a fabricated correction that is neither a correction or helpful.
My God give us wisdom and humility to function as true Christians, and not children or false brethren.
Please leave a comment or correction. I would be delighted to read it.